I would sit with all the other allergic/asthmatic people (this was a call center without assigned seats), or in a more isolated area when possible. *grin*. Something like jeopardy would trigger a kind of nervousness. For me those are much worse than perfume. * Unscented products dont work well on me. Washing with unscented or mildly-scented bath productsmaybe reasonable, depending sometimes the only shampoo/conditioner that works well for someones hair has an unavoidable scent and I dont think its reasonable to expect someone to figure out an entire new hair routine (which is a process that takes time and money and trial and error, not to mention bad hair days in the interim, with the concomitant hit to self-esteem that may cause) to accommodate a coworker. Or maybe its a combination of things that clashes to make a weird scent, like the OPs lemon body wash combined with the office bathroom air freshener. 16 12 12 comments Best Add a Comment MassiveExplosion 5 yr. ago Shes definitely being annoying about it, but its possible she doesnt work in close proximity with anyone else for it to be an issue. But do what Alison suggests. OP has tried really hard to accommodate this coworkers reasonable original request, and it hasnt worked. This type of preview may stop the interrupter before he or she starts. Surely people grow out of this shortly after high school, surely a grown adult wouldnt comment on someones smell unless it was bothering them. Most wearers would recognize such disgust like the OP did and stop wearing it but I can see others loving it so much that they would not give it up. We can list every single scented item under the sun that ~maybe~ is causing OP to have some sort of fragrance but really, this is over exaggeration and harassment on coworkers part. Its a classic case of the cure being worse than the disease. I was mortified when it happened. The supervisor just said to do it after shed gone home. And its usually not like I can just switch from the scented version to the unscented one the one Im using is the only thing there is! Allergies suck man. I think considerate coworkers like you should do what they can to help out other coworkers, but at the same time, you shouldnt have to give up something you enjoy using in your free time because of a work conflict. Its not ultra cheap, but is around $10 for 32 oz. Um no. I turn on my fan to get it blown away from my desk. I doubt many people would exaggeratedly sniff their coworker and say ugh, Chanel No. Thats just how it is. Dolores found other things to pick on, but she stopped going after me for phantom scents and basic hygiene. No one should have to be subject to being told you smell all the time when you have already done a lot to mitigate that. Be mindful of how you feel around this person. This. Pretty certain the vent was the culprit as once we moved to a different area she didn't emit nearly as much noise. It's best left up to the manager. Its a pain to find fragrance free shampoo and conditioner, but Jason Naturals makes an ok version. Then try to have a calm, sensible conversation with someone while exposed to that irritant. Allergies. It just struck me how familiar some of this sounded and wanted to offer another possibility. I would still never buy it or order it in a bar, however. :). Another thought that just occurred to me is a cloth car seat, so maybe while the clothing items were washed, perhaps its being transferred from other places. I let them know how exasperating the condition is, so they understand both that its not personal against them and that its serious stuff. I dont think she does, but I think she does genuinely believe that the OP is still wearing perfume. Whatever brand they use has a very off putting smell. Have someone independently walk in and see what they smell where. I worked in a department that she visited maybe once a week. A lot of times they put them on 12 hours ago for a night out and arent planning on taking a shower until after work the next day. Im going to talk to my manager about a possible accommodation (e.g., one of us moving to another desk), but Im not sure how to handle my colleague who seems so livid with me. And that is what this is. Fingers crossed that that was the solution. If anything, Ive been thanked by the majority of the office for saying something. Maybe that really is whats going on here. I will say re: patchouli that its a particularly lingering fragrance. I couldnt smell any cinnamon candy for years after. If it is just a personal preference to what she is smelling you do not need to be so accommodating. I think that Picky Coworker is one of those types who will demand more and more concessions from LW until she has LW thoroughly buffaloed and walking on eggshells. I agree with Alisons advice all around, I just had one other scent-source to consider do you perhaps use any home air fresheners or diffusers? If you are using natural cleaners those do have a scent. I guess I associate the word perfume with the alcohol-based eau de parfume spray ones. Wear what you will, but please know that you are not keeping the smell away from coworkers. I can do that too. I just wanted to thank you for being considerate to your coworker and refraining from wearing your perfumes to work. Im sure she thinks that the scent is gone I have no doubt about her sincerity and Im also pretty sure Id be able to tell on the Monday if shed worn patchouli that weekend. Every action is . I suppose its possible but we have zero information from the letter to indicate race. I like the idea of having her walk into the office blindfolded and walk by OP and around the entire workforce, as I read earlier in this thread. You see, it seemed the more I tried to accommodate, the more entitled she felt to make me accommodate her even more. I will admit that I love patchouli, though. Which sucks majorly. I would imagine it must smell much different to those that like patchouli because I would never call the scent I smell pleasant. That last bit of your post is the trouble I always have with scent-free initiatives. I dont have any advice, but I am wondering how it is fair or reasonable that the OP should even have to make all of these concessions at her own expense because her coworker wont stop picking on her. Pretty certain the vent was the culprit as once we moved to a different area she didn't emit nearly as much noise. LW didnt disclose her ethnicity (and she shouldnt feel pressured to) but I know from having friends with various backgrounds (some Indian, some black, etc) that, for example, sometimes someone of Indian heritage will be mocked for smelling like curry, even when they dont. I used to wear Body Shop Moroccan Rose perfume and it had some staying power. But unless were also banning Axe body spray or Febreze from the public sphere (if only), people get to wear whatever scent they like in public even if it annoys some other people. Thats so interesting! When everything is researched and it ends up being something other than you, shell have to quit harassing you. Patchouli does really linger, Ive had clothes from a shop that burns incense for over a year that still smell faintly of patchouli. I wouldn't blame anyone for dunking their heads into a basket of feral man meat hammocks. Full stop. My jacket? Ugh, this. Your box of tissues has become your closest companion (and admit it your sleeve has been called in to pinch hit on a couple of terrible occasions). Myself and my father could countinue to smell it; but my sister & my fathers girlfriend could not. I am so so sorry. My massage therapist uses a really nice patchouli blend oil (its the ONLY form of patchouli I like lol) and I can STILL smell it on my clothes I have washed several times since my last massage. The entire planet is not going to change to accommodate you. I think the most you can do is to politely ask someone not to wear a specific perfume that is bothering you, not ask them to buy new toiletries/detergents/do a deep scrub of their clothes(!?). The best stories to me, are the ones when the odor in the shoes is the worst! If your office is small, and earbuds and relocation are not an option, you should discuss your frustration with your manager, who may or may not bring your coworker into the discussion to explain. People cant go through life expecting to never have to encounter faint scents. I would make sure your boss is aware of all the changes youve made and then refer Jane to HR every time she says something. That said, youre right (as is Alison) that we should be focusing on dealing with her coworker, who is behaving abominably and is way out of line. This isnt because OP has done anything wrongin fact, shes done everything right and has gone Its not reasonable to demand every employee live a completely scent free life. But I also think it can be Pavlovian, where you see the person you identify with a scent and smell it, even if theres no actual scent around you. The OP has already done everything within reason (i.e. >>She's super nice and friendly and it kills me that I hate her. Thats a good point. I stopped wearing it to work when you asked me to. or just Nope, not me. and then either ignore the co-worker or go on talking about the TPS reports or whatever. Also, interestingly enough, I have grandparents who live in another country. Youre right that at this point shes probably already tried most or all of these things it really does sound like the OP is being extremely accommodating! We go out to eat Mexican food at least once a week, and each time I remind him at least once to chew his chips with his mouth closed. There has to be a boundary of reasonable action, and I think that the OP has done pretty much everything reasonable. Im trying to come up with something constructive like the rest of the comments, but all that keeps going through my head is why are you so obsessed with me? a la Mean Girls. If this were me, I would tell coworker Ive done what I can and she can take it to the boss or HR if she feels more should be done. Here is my most recent one. Even if it turns out that there is something about the OP that triggers the co-worker, it seems to me that its become a problem that the co-worker (and possibly the employer) needs to work out. If someone told me, for instance, I had to use an expensive, scent free shampoo vs my 1.09 bottle of Sauve, Id tell them no. My heart rate goes up, my brain scatters, I get queasy and headache-y, etc. The following Monday, though, I noticed the scent was strong again, so commented to her about it. LW has done quite a lot to accommodate her coworker, who really does sound like a jerk. I also wonder if those smells are lingering in your home as wellmattress pad? Now its up to the co-worker to prove its not a case of singling her out. People tend not to. My office got new carpet and my other pregnant co-worker and I had to work from home for a week because we couldnt deal with the smell. When I mentioned it to the host, she looked baffled and said she couldnt smell anything. He says it's allergies and that the allergy medicines make him drowsybut I'm not so sure it's even allergies. to accommodate an employee, but I wouldnt deep-clean my carpets or replace my mattress. Its easy to say to OP to be bold and confront her directly but if youre like me and just dont have that type of personality, sometimes other solutions can be helpful. But again, this might be me being snarky. People often turn to over-the-counter nasal sprays to clear a stuffed-up nose. The worst, though, is that my hair picks up smells like no ones business and will smell like cig smoke even if I just walk past a group of people smoking. Reader asks how to solve a nearby co-worker's sniffling problem Perspective by Judith Martin , Nicholas Martin and Jacobina Martin February 5, 2022 at 12:00 a.m. EST Article Dear Miss Manners: I. Thrown everything in the washer when I get home, may not wash it than and there, and take a shower before heading to bed. Febreeze is the worst. A hot bath, with scented salts and a glass wine after work sounds awful good to me right now. Other sniffle-inducers include growths and anatomical issues, such as: Chronic sinus infections. Sigh. Agreed. I really feel for you. Her coworkers shouldnt be expected to so drastically alter their personal habits and small joys during non-work hours. Ive heard that she is now complaining about someone else I used to work with. If youre one of the 35 million Americans who suffer from hay fever, read on for what plants are to blame, where to find them and how to get relief. Are they the only three people in the workplace? Either way, the coworker needs to take control of her sensitivity instead of expecting her coworkers to bend over backwards for her. Enlarged turbinates, structures in the nose that clean and humidify the air you breathe handy when theyre working well, not so much when they take up too much nasal real estate. If the coworker has a legit fragrance sensitivity than she needs to inform her manager and HR. :). My mom says the same thing about Caress body wash. I HATE floral scents in virtually all forms, but I dont have severe allergies nor do I get migraines. Find out which foods you should watch out for. I dont have smell sensitivities, and I have a terrible sense of smell, and febreeze unscented gives me migraines. She needs a personal air filter, and to leave the OP alone. Im super-sensitive to the smell of tobacco smoke, but this does go to show you that it can linger in unexpected places. We talked to ear, nose and throat (ENT) physician Tony Reisman, MD, to find out what your sniffles mean and what you can do about them. I can also relate to the last part about being cordial before but not anymore. It is not intended to be and should not be interpreted as medical advice or a diagnosis of any health or fitness problem, condition or disease; or a recommendation for a specific test, doctor, care provider, procedure, treatment plan, product, or course of action. Instead they want to continue chatting or working. Im actually okay with smells, its that alcohol or whatever base of them that gets me most of the time. Thank you! However, genuine allergic reactions arent necessarily going to manifest in front of their sourceits not all doubling over in the moment. There was a time when I burned incense almost daily and I loved the smell in my house, but it never occurred to me the degree it was sticking to my clothes and how much you could smell it on me when I was at work etc. Hold a constructive private conversation. yeah, the patchouli AGAIN? comment is what makes me think rude coworker over coworker with scent sensitivities. Now I want to go looking for a nice lemon perfume, though. Plus, it may turn out that many of OPs scent-sensitive strategies are unnecessary, and that they can indeed wear some scented products. Fine. I try and blow my nose, and when Im alone in the rest room, I even pick it to try and clear it out. Im fragrance sensitive. I don't have an obstruction, so I am not really sniffing up snot or mucus. Ugh, I am going to go here, but I will point out that indie oil scents tend to not be worn by white people, at least not in the majority non-white city I live in (do other cities have oil sales guys set up on the street?). Although such handbooks often outline appropriate and inappropriate behavior, it's common knowledge that a bodily function such as loud burping is inappropriate. The reason to ask someone who doesnt live with you is that we can stop smelling things after a while, so a partner or roommate might not be able to smell it either. But we shake it off, and the office culture is such that a person complaining about that sort of thing would be told to suck it up unless it presents a health concern. I don't know what I would do without them some days. Lets see if we can narrow down where/what it is.. Ideally, purchase some high-quality noise-canceling earphones and leave your desk. I may be slightly fixated on that part because I have an unheated detached garage and it snowed last night. One of the things that sets me off at first is if I can taste the scent, that chemical taste in the back of my throat is an instant major asthma attack. Anyone anymore advice? Though thats from a genetic immune disorder, not a sensitivity. I only hope people can try to understand and have some compassion for people like us. This is so timely! Yes, this. I do have a sweater that lives at the office, and I took it home and washed it after she complained. To qualify as a hostile work environment, the conduct must be offensive not only to the employee, but also to a reasonable person in the same circumstances. or you can try a passive aggressive tactic: Use fart spray for a few days then stop. Same. No. I have the sinking feeling that OPs coworker is going to be a classic case of you cant prove a negative. Is she hassling the other people in your office? The other coworker who was complained about took an internal transfer. My boss, his boss and my other coworkers agreed that neither of us smelled but the complaints continued. :(. How best to handle a situation like this? Give the interrupter . Oh man every time I see someone on here who has sniffling as a trigger I feel a little guilty. Like wearing perfume on days off that lingers even after bathing before coming back to work, or burning incense in ones own home, or storing clothes laundered in scent-free products in the same dresser or closet with clothes that havent been laundered that way, or having an air freshener in ones own car. Its reasonable to ask that people not wear scents at work. Download Article. Screw this lady. Im not altering a huge chunk of my life because someone doesnt like how I smell. Patchouli is a fairly distinctive scent, particularly as a fragrance oil, which smells absolutely nothing like lemon. Typically I remove myself from the situation asap, while letting the fragrance-wearer know as gently as possible why Im bailing. I so rarely tell anyone if their perfume or whatever bothers me (especially since it is often some other product that it scentedpeople who use scented detergents can smell really strongly to me) because it seems so loaded. If the sound or smell persists after you've kindly spoken with your colleague, you have two options, says Rossi. Thats where my confusion is too. There are limits of what you can realistically ask of people. What I found is that sniffing is a form of anxiety. Press J to jump to the feed. Bravo. My heart rate goes up, my brain scatters, I get queasy and headache-y, etc. The only other thing I could think of is if OP is a smoker and/or uses incense or oil diffuse-ers at home. Is it because she's sad all the time, I guess? I mean slimy as opposed to the warm feeling you have after talking to someone who is genuine. I would be very surprised if everyone in that office besides OP is living a committed scent-free lifestyle. There are other ways to work this outside besides demanding that OP never comes into contact with anything remotely scented. I can relate to this. Talk to your doctor about Asking them not to apply perfume before work, is one thing, to alter their personal life by buying two sets of products or not lighting scented candles in the bedroom or not cooking with curry or garlic or whatever. In other words, I tried steps 1-4 above, but was on my own to deal with this nut and couldnt get anything to work. For what its worth, my mothers wardrobe is almost 100% polyester and that fabric, and other non-natural fabrics, seem to really hold onto smells. I remember wanting to scoop my eyeballs out in classes or long, multi-hour exams with chronic snifflers, even though I have a chronic low-grade sinus infection Ive struggled to treat my entire life. You dont have to turn your life upside down, especially for someone who isnt being reasonable. Colleagues If you have a colleague who burps or sniffs excessively, the easiest approach is to tell her you find it offensive or unsanitary and, in the case of loud burping, do not consider it humorous. It was something I was putting in every wash, and I had been unconsciously upping the amount of vinegar over time. I cannot imagine going to work everyday without perfume on. I thought he did it brilliantly well even though it was a tough thing. If some of these ideas dont work, I might try asking her, What, exactly, are you smelling? Requesting a coworker to not wear perfume or oils to work is reasonable. It was untrue and unkind. Idk why he doesn't use a tissue. I dislike 99% of perfumes and am allergic to many but I dont go around making people feel like stinky people. Agreed. It seems that the OP has taken a lot of measures to make sure that the coworker is comfortable. Sometimes I notice smells will stick around for a few days, even after I have showered. And I try to laugh and/or dismiss the topic as quickly as possible so we can get on with life and so that my health issue (which can be all consuming to me) doesnt become all consuming for them. In high school I had a job at a chain pizza place. If her scent doesnt bother you then maybe you can try it out and if you dont mind it, then theres no way for her to complain. , so I havent said anything about them. They say scent is our strongest memory, meaning that some smells immediately transport us to a specific person or place in time. Its tough to diagnose on your own, Dr. Reisman says. I've developed some really unhealthy hostile feelings about people that trigger my misphonia daily. Your nose is a faucet, and theres no way to turn it off. Ah, I see you already made my point about how other people might have conflicting allergies. It's really annoying. Curiously enough, the first symptom I get is irritability. Issues between coworkers can go from bad to worse and even become toxic! Didn't find the answer you were looking for? Unfortunately, its not always easy to guess whether the problem might be due to an allergy or a structural issue, Dr. Reisman says. Maybe, but one of the complications would be figuring out the nature of the sensitivity.. I used to prefer white wine to red. Long before this point, my response would have reverted to These are the products I use. take a deep breath (through your mouth): The cause of chronic sniffling is It would be awful to hear that you smell everyday. I really wish that my coworker would get sent home too. I commented below, but it seems to me that your coworker just doesnt like your scent. I honestly tried to accommodate my coworker but there was nothing more I could do. In particular Ive heard white people comment on how black people smell, though Im sure other POC have similar experiences. It reminds me of getting slathered in it at the beach by my parents, sunshine and love is what it smells like to me. Allie, that is what I was thinking as well. But when their manners just get to be too much for you,. That scent in particular seems to really linger even if youre not specifically wearing it. WOW! Cleveland Clinic is a non-profit academic medical center. For some reason, your colleague has become unreasonably fixated on you being the sole cause. To be fair, the only thing Ive actually changed since she complained is not wearing the perfume. You can couch it as youd think itd be a good idea of someone checked up on him (and gently let him know that the noise is carrying). For those who like it and for whom it is normal it is fine. Does coworker comment on every male in the office that uses cologne or Old Spice deodorant? Yet every time shes near me she complains about the fragrances she says Im wearing. Is it possible that the oil-based scents are lingering in something that doesnt get laundered very oftenmaybe a coat or even shoes? Whether or not the coworker has a sensitivity, her behavior is way inappropriate. Even the smallest amount of second-hand smoke can trigger my asthma, though I dont always have a full on asthma attack from it. car seats? This accomplishes TWO things. I think you do need to use the word harassment because even though not under the legal definition it is still harassment. The readers have some great ideas. Also, I cant deal with the smell of Febreeze. They want to make it seem like you are not a good fit for the job. I think once in a while isnt likely to be a problem. OP could also ask the HR person if they can smell anything on them. And if that doesnt work, go to HR. I completely agree. You have a meeting. Its also not a popular smell for body fragrances either, which tend to be floral or fruit based. I stopped wearing everything and she says its me when the men in the office wear cologne and shave. Shes never complained before now about my perfume, and Im sure she would mention if she was having health issues based on it. Im bringing this angle up because your coworker was wearing it after a weekend and doesnt seem to wear it every day. It's possible that it's lingering in a way that you don't realize. This is so true. But since I had a bad cold about 2 month ago, I am doing it all the time, even though my nose isn't running or blocked. Its making me sneeze sooooo bad!! What she doesn't know is that I love to sniff all her friends shoes. I bet the letter writer burns incense, which is pervasive and will stick to clothing. I recommend that you febreeze everything in your office if you have carpet or upholstery. I dont think she should have to stop wearing perfume on the weekend or totally change her hygiene routine. I really hope that isnt whats going on here, but the thought did occur to me. One, about patchouli just dont. You could even put a few around the office so it looks like it was an office admin that did it. It kind of reminds me of when I got food poisoning after drinking hot chocolate, and even though I dont think it was the cocoa that did it (rather, I think it was lunch earlier that day), for MONTHS I couldnt even look at much less smell cocoa without feeling sick. They gave us a list of suggested unscented, fragrance free, hypoallergenic laundry and hygiene items. I developed a sniff several years ago. Blah, blah, blah. As someone who is also sensitive to strong smells and doesnt often up about it for fear of pushback, your reaction is exactly the kind Id appreciate. Most sprays today dont even qualify for the technical definition of eau de parfum. Ive occasionally used new products at home or at work that were stronger than I anticipated. I have 3 co-workers now who smoke, but hate how they smell after they smoke, so they take perfume showers in their cubes 3x/day. I am scent sensitive, and some scents/smells do trigger headaches, sneezing, running nose, nausea, and/or migraines. Ha ha ha! I started in the last year of primary school, I also drive my family insane and myself it's so irritating, it's as if I can't breathe and my nose is inflamed or tight and I need to sniff to clear it even though there's nothing there, it's really embarrassing and it tried loads of nasal sprays and even been to ent had a camera up my nose but he couldn't see anything. Now I don't know what to do. If shes complaining about OPs non-smell, and if shes fragrance-sensitive, spraying febreeze is like an act of war. Just make sure you keep on top of it. Dryer sheets? At this point, Im starting to feel like youre just looking for an excuse to complain about me. I would abstain from actively putting on perfume before work, but I wouldnt get up early to shower before work if that wasnt something I felt like doing.
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